Erection Selection! Top 10 Valentine Bangers
It’s Valentine’s Day… Feeling the pressure yet?
Get it right and you’ll reap all the sexy rewards
Get it wrong and you’re looking at a cold hard spell in the spare room.
But before you go splashing out on an overpriced meal, a limp droopy rose from the garage and a card covered in kittens, love hearts and slogans so cheesy you can smell them through the envelope, let’s sample the finest food of love.
Last week we reached out to you via the forum and Twitter for your favourite luuuurve tunes. The results were… Varied. Some of you are quite the charmers. Some of you reckon you’re massive players. Some of you just wanted a free t-shirt.
But can a gully rhythm really rattle a G-spot from 50 paces?
Can you really declare your undying love atop a fractured backdrop of an amen break?
Bottom line: will that Original Sin dubplate you’ve been treasuring for years really get you that AAA bedroom pass?
Put the needle on the record and find out tonight!
DISCLAIMER: While these tunes are all considered quintessential Valentine bangers by Drum & Bass Arena, there is a slim chance your other half may totally miss the point. Stash some roses or chocolates in your back pocket for an emergency contingency plan and you’ve got all bases covered. Good luck!
John B – Up All Night
The undisputed winner, voted by over 50% of you, John B’s 2001 hands-in-air anthem ticks every Valentines box, even though the title does suggest a little wishful thinking. Five minute wonders should stick to the radio edit while the marathon men among you should flip for the Epic mix. If you exceed the nine minutes, eleven seconds then consider yourself a tru playa.
Jaheim – Put The Woman First [Calibre Remix]
If any producer is going to provide the ultimate soulful smoocher, it’s Calibre. Throw in the silky smooth tones of R&B singer Jaheim and a title as charming as Put The Woman First and you’ve got yourselves the ultimate raving romancer. Props to DJ The Tornado (@djthetornado) for this – very well played, sir. You’ve bagged yourself a t-shirt.
Glamour Gold – The Only One
I will spend the night with you, if you promise you will do, all the thing that make me scream… Hello! If your lover can resist lyrics like that then they’re dead inside. Smooth soul and a supreme bassline to bump uglies to, this ’97 classic was suggest by DJ Jamie on the forum who says 90s R n’ B is a surefire way of getting into a girls pants. Jamie, please holler… We owe you a t-shirt.
TC – Tap Ho
For those moments when smooth just won’t do. Some nights are all about the hot, sweaty roughage. And this could be just the ticket. Okay, so your lover has got to be cool with being called a ho, but with its dramatic half step intro and dreamy synths and strings, they’re probably not even going to notice. You can thank Max Klimax (@klimaxdnb) for this erection selection. Blame him if you play it wrong and get a black eye.
Total Science – Nosher [Baron Remix]
Jump up has never been known for its seduction qualities but with a name like Nosher this needs to be considered. Whether your request will be understood or not is questionable. A man can dream, though, right? This was suggested by Ross Wasway (@rosswasway) on Twitter. He also suggested Dillinja’s utter filth-flinger Grimey “for all the bad ones I’ve taken home.” We’re still not sure if we’re impressed or a bit scared. Either way, he’s got a t-shirt.
Ram Trilogy – Huggy Bear
There’s nothing particularly sexy about this heavyweight Ram roller, but tell her you love the deep meaning behind the track title. Convince her it’s nothing to do with Starsky & Hutch and it’s got everything to do with you and her getting it on. Play this at the right speed and Huggy Bear will have you hugging bare. Props to @protunemusic, who also suggested Origin Unknown’s Grudge Match… For those times when cuddles just won’t cut it.
Marky & SPY – Mystic Sunset
“Guaranteed to tickle ginys everywhere…” Not our words, they’re the words of one Duane Hedrick (@duane_hed), but we’re inclined to agree. With lush lyrics and a deep, pulsating bassline, Latin lotharios Marky & SPY have pressed every soul button in sight for this beautiful roller. What are you waiting for? Get tickling.
Die and Break – Get Some
Get Some… Or go home with your tail between your legs and a lower feeling of self-worth. That’s @henrycrl’s raw, honest message that all of us can relate to. And, with its rolling bassline, soft vocals and well-placed dramatic touches, it is quite the jiggy jam. FYI, Henry also suggests Jubei & Cern’s Black Hole but we’d save that for when you really do get some…
Cookie Monsta – Ginger Pubes
Every love-in has to have a slow jam. It’s the law. Quite whether this is the slow jam for you tonight, or not, is another thing altogether. However, if your lover does dubstep and is actually ginger then just go for it and to hell with the consequences. Shout out to John O’Connor (@johnehgtir) for this one… You filthy animal!
Spor – Valentine
We don’t know what inspired Spor to name this vicious slammer Valentine, but if it works for him, it works for us. It clearly works for @thedondj who suggested it on Twitter, too. What tickles us even more is the EP it comes from is titled Breath In, Scream Out. If that’s not some kind of crazy slang for hot Valentines sexy time session, nothing is. Try it, but don’t come crying to us if things get ugly.